The unhealthy judging
“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you’ve been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.”
― Dave Barry
Yes, judging is as human as it gets, but it‘s something that makes me very disappointed in myself… You can be at a very high level of self-actualization and such but you never fully escape this bad habit. For some reason we always seem to know how should others behave, what lives they should lead but we have no clue about our own lives! We have no right to judge but we still do it without even making any effort.
Why do we do this?
- We wouldn’t tolerate the same thing in ourselves.
For example you see a person who does not hesitate singing in the middle of the street, who talks very loudly and just doesn’t hold back. You would never act in such a way, so you resent a person acting like this. Maybe deep down you are the one not expressing yourself fully, so seeing someone doing so makes you angry?
- You dislike someone‘s characteristic or behavior but you have it yourself and are not aware of it.
Just admit it, there have definitely been situations when you judged someone‘s behavior while talking with a friend and then got a reply: „hey, you do realize you act in the same way?“ So, maybe it would be helpful checking with yourself again before resenting someone? It‘s so much easier to see it in others…
- You are envious, so you try to find the flaws of a person to feel better yourself.
I think this is something that happens very often… We see someone that is more successful than us in a particular area, so we try to find something making them not so amazing. Next time we should be inspired by someone else‘s victories to achieve more ourselves!
How to become less judgmental?
- Just think before you talk.
Being mindful is very helpful. If you would just stop for a second before saying something not that positive and think who it might benefit, maybe it would stop you from any potential harm?
- Do not make it all about yourself.
Yes, in the end we all think only about ourselves and somehow feel that the world revolves only around us. But this is not true at all. And before saying something nasty about a person who in your opinion just offended you, just think- maybe it‘s not about you this time? This person probably has his or her own pains and struggles…
- Repeat „just like me“.
This is super helpful! As we know, people are more similar than different, so before being critical just remember- this person also wants to be happy and healthy. This person also loves his/her dog and also makes mistakes- just like all of us do!
- Give someone the benefit of the doubt.
I think that no one ever wakes up in the morning with a thought that he or she is going to be a douche bag today. We all try our best but sometimes it just doesn’t work as it should…
- Feel good about what you do.
For example, if you feel insanely beautiful today you probably won‘t go around judging other people‘s appearances, but if you are very anxious that you do not look your best today, then maybe you‘ll just try to make yourself feel better by lowering others? So, just be confident in what you do and you won‘t even have an urge to evaluate others.
I don‘t know if it‘s fully possible to get rid of this unhealthy habit of judging others, but it‘s definitely possible to have less of it! So we should all just try to use the tips and have the least possible amount of this as possible!
By Laisvyda Andrejevaite