The signs as…


This month, the Zodiac signs as.. breakfast foods! Why? Very good question, my answer: why not?
As you all obviously know, food is one of our human basic needs. Something vital like this should be a topic in this Zodiac collumn. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so if any mealtime should be adressed, it would be breakfast.

I couldn’t count all the emails I’ve received asking me: ‘Mijntje, I’m in an existential crisis. I can’t continue living my life untill I know what type of specific breakfast food I can identify my body and soul with. Please help me, you’re my last hope!’

Well your worries are over, dear reader! Because I, your saviour in this challenging time, have used the advanced power of pseudo-science to satisfy your dire needs.

Aries: burnt toast, fiery and packed with ‘special’ flavour, just like you.

Taurus: Red Bull (you drink this for breakfast? you sick freak of nature, you disgust me.)

Gemini: double-yolked egg, because you’re gemini.. and gemini means twins.. get it??

Cancer: simple bowl of cereal with big dreams. You can do it buddy friend, bowl of cereal, aim for the stars!

Leo: bacon pancake.

Virgo: perfectly symmetrical waffle, you like symmetry and order and.. OH MY GOD IS THAT BACON PANCAKE NOT PERFECTLY ROUND?? DESTROY IT!!

Libra: tall low fat pumpkin spice soy latte, double espresso shot, no whipped cream.

Scorpio: hot plate of punches with a side of whoop-ass.

Sagittarius: an entire three course dinner.

Capricorn: the whipped cream Libra didn’t want.

Aquarius: cold pizza from last night.

Pisces: beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure.

By Mijntje Boon


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