Loving someone with anxiety?!
Falling in love is a process, especially nowadays. Our generation makes dating a lot more complicated than it used to be – ask your parents and they will agree wholeheartedly. You meet, you go on the first date and keep on dating for a few months and then finally you get together. Along the way there are a lot of ‘firsts’ that you go through. Things like meeting each other’s parents, meeting friends and of course: ‘sleepovers’. Loving is, unfortunately, not easy for everyone. Anxiety gets in the way.
What does anxiety do to love?
Dating is always fun in the beginning. Pretending to be confident, as if you rule this world. Being a little cheeky and all, until the next dates approach. People want to get a mental connection with another human being, as well as a physical one. God, those are hard. That’s when we start to push away. Yes, I do want to spend the night with you, but I’m scared that you will get too close. Of course I want to tell about my past, but I will not. I would have to open up, I would cry and break down. Obviously I overthink every single word you’re saying. The slightest bit of sarcasm in your voice will keep me up all night. The chances of ending things altogether is most definitely present. However, you can both prevent this.
Let it get easier
Of course, even people with anxiety are very capable of loving. Something both of the people involved can do, is start the conversation. It can be as easy as saying: ‘I find it hard to commit to you.’ or ‘I recognize that you are struggling with commitment.’ Just by communicating about it, it can get a lot easier. You can take things at a lower pace and you might find yourself ending up together, rather than ending up parted. The infinite amount of people I have pushed away, due to my fear of loving, is uncountable. If only I had opened up about this, it would have spared me a lot of heartbreak. Well done.
Another thing that might help a lot, is set ground rules. It sounds a little odd, but this might actually help a lot. As long as you are both on the same page, you will get a lot stronger from it. This can be tiny things such as: ‘don’t push when I do not want to talk’ or ‘leave me alone if I ask for it.’ Those agreements will make your start up relationship simpler.
Lastly, it is important to be patient. People with anxiety will take longer to commit, but it is so worth it. We might have the habit of overthinking every single thing you say and do, nevertheless we adore every single thing about you. From your insecurities to your mindset. It is worth the wait, once we let you in. Believe me.
In the end dating and love are a lot of fun and an experience everyone should have. I wish I had not ruined good things so often, so hopefully you will not do the same as I did. Something else to remember: people with anxiety love deep. It might as well be the best love you will ever get to experience, so hang in there. Be patient and talk.